What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 01:26
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I have no regrets .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Is T-Mobile secretly recording your phone's screen? How to check and turn it off - ZDNET
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
‘Stranger Things’ Season 5 Gets Three-Part Release, Series Finale Set for New Year’s Eve - Variety
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im still living with it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Corbin Burnes To Undergo Tommy John Surgery - MLB Trade Rumors
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
WWDC 2025: New Features We Could See in watchOS 26 - MacRumors
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
What caused the Democratic Party's 2024 presidential campaign to implode so horrifically?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Comes on , in middle age.
I don,t even have a pension.
Can being annoyed be a sign of getting angry?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She loved him until the end.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
How can someone effectively handle a targeted individual?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
This is soul school!.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My life is so biszare .
Who was the guy that had sex with the AIDS monkey?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was very sick at this time too.
But ive been too sick for many years..
How can I handle my distrust and jealousy for my partner?
I could never make a relationship work though!
(And it was in our own minds.)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Trump is forcing this dirty, costly coal plant to stay open - The Washington Post
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
So, i spoilt her more .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was scared of men, in general
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I said to her
He knew the spot.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We all went to grammer schools
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Who then, do I blame.?
So whats the point in blame.
It was going to be , some day.
I will be 64.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My family never makes their pension either.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I write beautiful poetry .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And i lived it daily.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One cannot live in the past .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Ive learnt so much.
We were not on the streets..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why did i forgive my father ?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was in good health!
Would this be the day?
I think the readers, may guess!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was 9 years of age.
When she asked me how she looked .
All the time i was locked up.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She wouldn,t have been !
I was seconnd youngest,
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Put me off passion for life!!
But it wasn’t much.
But, we were locked up after school.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She found it foreign!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I waited trembling.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
What did i know ?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She married twice! .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t